Confessions of a Food Addict 2

This article is going to be different from what you’re used to seeing here.

Instead of tackling a certain topic, exploring a myth or posting someones success story, I am going to talk about myself.

I am going to be making a few confessions…

Some of these are personal and involve things that I am embarrassed about.

Writing this certainly hasn’t been easy, but it feels good to get these things off of my chest and I think it will eventually lead to the greater good.

There are few things in life I’ve been as enthusiastic about as nutrition.

Even though I don’t like the way it tends to be practiced, I am fascinated with the subject.

On this blog, I am quick to share what I think are the most sensible and most scientifically valid methods to eat healthy, lose weight and improve health.

I believe in these things. That is the truth.

The problem for me, is that I am terrible at following my own advice.

Now it’s time to confess…

I constantly eat junk foods. All the time.

I eat so much of them that it would make most people cringe.

Believe me when I say it, that I can make some of the worst bingers and un-health conscious people out there look like amateurs.

I can eat an entire pizza, then a large ice cream afterwards. At the bakery, I will order food that would suffice for three hungry people and I will finish all of it in one sitting.

After a particularly massive binge some time ago I decided to calculate the calories in it and it turned out I ate 5.000 calories.

That’s 2 days worth of calories for a grown man, in one sitting.

Disgusting, I know. And I tend to feel like shit afterwards.

I am not proud of this. In fact, I am ashamed.

I don’t talk about this problem much, although I’ve started to be more open about it in the past few weeks to my best friends and close family.

It is hard to explain why I do it, but I know that it does have a lot to do with my severely addictive personality and my background as an addict.

I am a recovering alcoholic and a drug addict, with a history of 6 rehabs, jail, a week in a mental hospital along with several trips to the emergency room due to overdose.

During this time, I hurt a lot of people, did a lot of bad things, wasted several years of my life and quite a few brain cells.

Luckily, my mom never lost faith in me and she was the one who practically forced me into each and every rehab. Without her, I’d probably be dead, and to her I will forever be grateful.

I also used to smoke cigarettes, but managed to give that up after multiple attempts.

But this is who I was in the past… which ended on January 4th of 2007 when I stepped into rehab for the last time.

You could say that my personality is as addictive as it gets. For me, things that I “enjoy” tend to become an all or nothing deal.

With time, especially in the past 2-3 years or so, I’ve been developing addiction to unhealthy foods.

Full blown addiction. Nothing more, nothing less.

These foods almost invariably contain either sugar, or wheat, or both, with a few exceptions.

The symptoms are exactly the same as drug and nicotine addiction, just a different substance and the social consequences aren’t as severe.

The obsessive-compulsive nature, the thought processes, the lack of self-control…

Craving ice cream feels the same as craving a cigarette or amphetamine… exactly the same.

I am ashamed of this problem. I am ashamed of the fact that I’ve been telling people not do to do something that I am too weak to stay away from myself.

But believe me, I’ve tried to stop. More often than I can count.

Sometimes, when motivation finds me, I can stay away from these foods for about a week or so.

Everything goes well… the scale starts to go down and I start to feel a lot better. I actually start feeling good in my own skin again.

But then, one moment, this “idea” pops up…

The idea that it would be a good idea for me to have a “cheat meal” today. I suddenly have a hard time remembering why on earth I’d ever thought that cheat meals were a bad idea for me.

I forget the fact that the last 100 times I had a cheat meal ended with a long binge, I will forget the fact that I know I am addicted to the food and I’ll forget all the wonderful reasons I have for wanting to abstain from it.

It’s almost as if the logical part of my brain shuts down, and the obsessive-compulsive urge takes over.

It’s not the fact that the cravings are so strong, it’s more about the fact that my logic and willpower suddenly become so weak during these moments.

Maybe 1 times out of a 100, I manage to muster up the willpower to abstain when this feeling comes up.

But what usually happens, is that I will indulge and have pizza, ice cream or whatever it is that I am craving.

Now, I will go on a week-long binge where everything but the unhealthiest foods will be as appetizing as vomit in my mind. I will cringe at the thought of a healthy meal and I’ll binge on crap every day until I feel ill.

I will gain weight, feel like crap, sleep like crap until I finally get sick of all of it and decide to eat healthy again.

Rinse. Repeat.

This has been going on for years now and I am sick of it.

During all my rehabs and all my previous attempts at giving up drugs and smoking, I learned quite a few things about addiction and how to beat it.

Out of the many things I learned, one particular fact is especially important and it is called “The Law of Addiction“.

“Administration of a drug to an addict will cause re-establishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance.”

An ex smoker who has one puff of a cigarette will become addicted again… instantly. It is almost inevitable.

An alcoholic who has a beer or a shot of vodka will start drinking again, with all the horrible consequences that follow.

This is how addiction works. That is a fact.

I’m starting to think that food addiction is no different.

One bite of wheat bread, one sip of coke or a spoonful of ice cream will re-establish the addiction.

One bite and it’s over. Same as with smoking, same as with alcohol, same as with heroin.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone. Some people can eat these foods in moderation, but many don’t.

Some people can tolerate cheat meals, but I think many of those who are eating healthy and keep having cheat meals will fail eventually.

Sure, they may be able to “cheat” once a week for a few months, while they are highly motivated to improve their health.

But… if they have started to succumb to food addiction then it is almost inevitable that it will take hold of them again, as soon as the motivation to eat healthy starts to fade.

Motivation and willpower are temporary resources.

The day they run out, when eating healthy and losing weight isn’t as motivating as before, those weekly cheat meals may quickly turn into daily indulgences and the quest to improve health will fade into memory.

If some of these ideas resonate with you and seem familiar, then perhaps you have the same problem as I do.

It may not be quite as obvious as it is for me, but you may be somewhere on the spectrum.

You don’t need to have problems with alcohol, smoking or drugs to become addicted to junk food. It is pretty common, actually.

If you binge eat and you’ve had difficulties quitting or setting rules for yourself in the past, then this is definitely something you should look into.

I’ve decided that moderation isn’t working for me.

Telling me to eat sugar/wheat in moderation is like telling me to smoke, drink or do drugs in moderation. Not possible.

I am going to approach this matter just like I approached giving up drugs and smoking.

I do realize that if I have a line of speed then it’s all over. It might ruin my life, literally, potentially having consequences that are worse than death.

If I have a puff of a cigarette then I will become addicted again. It is inevitable. I’d probably be back to a pack-a-day the next day.

The same applies to junk food, for me at least.

I have decided that I am going to completely abstain from the foods that I am addicted to.

Complete abstinence is the only thing that consistently works for true addicts. Moderation fails, almost every time. That is a fact.

No cheating on Christmas, no cheating on New Years Eve, not on my birthday, not ever. It may seem like a large sacrifice, but it is nothing compared to what I gain if I succeed.

The foods I have the most problems with are sugar and gluten grains (especially wheat). I also have to be careful with some other foods that cause me problems, but it is by far the most important to avoid sugar and gluten grains, at all costs.

I am going to read the ingredients lists of everything I eat. If there is even a hint of added sugar (or HFCS) or a hint of gluten (wheat, barley, spelt, rye) in a food then I won’t eat it.

This isn’t the first time I’ve made this decision, the people who are close to me have heard this all before.

But this time I am determined.

If I can quit drugs and smoking, then I sure as hell can quit eating junk food.

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